So, I have to say I'm rather chuffed to announce that Ms. Gay Wicklow 2014 is my lovely fiancee Nikki! The chosen charity of the Ms. Gay Ireland Contest this year is Aware. I'm sure that you all know of this organisation and the work it does for those who suffer from and are affected by depression. All moneys raised will be donated to this vital organisation. so please, please support this dual cause (LGBT awareness/equality and of course Aware) by donating as much or as little as you can, ever Euro counts!!
*Please forgive grammar and spelling errors, I wrote this on
impulse and feel like it should be read as raw and structured as I was feeling
at the time of composing it*
So, I haven’t written a blog in months now. Why? I just
haven’t been able to; I’m not even sure if I’ll get this post finished. Right
now it 4:51 and I just spent about 20 minutes throwing up into a bucket on my
living room floor. My fiancée finally
went back to bed after nursing me for the last 45 minutes or so.
It’s been a really hard few weeks recently; my ADHD is in
full flight and kicking my ass a little to be honest. It’s been very hectic,
Conor isn’t coping the best with the structure-less summer holidays, our
attempts to keep him busy and engaged result most often with “I’m tired” and “Stop
‘noying me!” he doesn’t want to eat at dinner time most days… but luckily he’s
also very good at breakfast and lunch so it’s easy to slip in the nutrition he
needs without having to stress him out over finishing his veggies at dinner
time. A typical ASD parent problem, but I hadn’t had to worry about it for so
long, and it was just the worst week for it to resurface. But still it’s one
more thing on the list of worries.
We also took in a nine month old foster puppy about 2 or 3
weeks ago (I honestly can’t keep my days straight) and we found out about a
week ago that she’s pregnant and the previous owner of the dog had no idea! Due
to a personal circumstance the dog was kept by a former partner and returned to
her only recently, but Skyler (the puppy) was already well into her pregnancy.
I didn’t notice the signs at first, I just thought she was a very lazy husky,
like my Xena and loved her sleep and cuddles. She was very chubby for a husky
too, so I wormed her in case she was bloated with worms and nothing really
changed. She was happy, occasionally playful and mostly lazy as hell, I figured
she’s 9 months old and she’s been eating crappy cans of Pedigree Chump mixed
with crappy nuts, no wonder she was chubby. So naturally I weaned her onto a
good puppy diet, and figured I’d let it sorted itself out. We found Skyler a
home with Nikki’s mom and sister who were dying to get her home last Friday (or
the Friday before) but few days before we had planned to travel the 2 and a
half hours to their house with her I noticed her nipples were very swollen and
when I put my hand under her to check I felt a puppy move. So it was straight
to vet 20ish kilometres away in Gorey, I don’t trust the vets in my home town,
also I worked in this particular hospital all through college as a work experience
student, vet tech or volunteer at various times. The scanner was barely on her
belly and there was a puppy on the screen, fully formed with his or her tiny
heart thumping along very nicely. When I informed her owner she was so upset
and angry that her ex partner, clearly, hadn’t looked after the dog at all and
offered to pay the vets bills. A week later she was back again for a scan
because she was acting strange not eating and not really sleeping. Which was
her all-time favourite pastime. Also…. I could only feel one puppy moving and I
didn’t want to the take risk that if tragedy had struck the other puppies the
surviving ones might have the same fate. But I over reacted and she was fine so
were the babies!
So there are two of the issues I’ve been dealing with along
with desperate battles with my lack of focusing abilities. I’m staring fights
left right and centre because I’m convinced I’ve told Nikki something or asked
her to do something and she hasn’t done them or tells me she knew nothing about
whatever it was I was sure I’d told her. I was drifting off mid-sentence and completely
just shutting off. I had so many different trains of thought in my head:
I need to do….
I forgot to….
The dogs need….
We have get Conor’s school supplies.
We need to pay…
We need to buy….
I need to go…..
Skyler is sick….
Xander needs to go to behavioural therapy today.
I have to drive *someone* …
I’m so sick right know I can’t even…
There were just so many things and more going through my
mind that eventually I couldn’t even pick out one clear thought or worry from
the din. I had a constant headache and very bad chest infection (still do) and
now some type of vomiting bug… I remember
a few times just crying on Nikki’s shoulder because I just didn’t know which
way was up, I couldn’t even tell her why I was crying, I didn’t even know to be
honest. But she knows better than to ask why at this stage. This was my longest
bad patch since I was diagnosed at 24 (now 27) and it was so, so difficult. I’m
saying ‘was’ now because I just checked my word count and so far I’ve written over
880 words…. So maybe this bad patch is coming to a close. Its 5:37 now and I’m
just going to post this after a quick spell check and nothing else. Please
forgive any spelling errors or bad grammar. I’d rather you get the full impact
the raw rambles above so that maybe other ADHD moms out there who ever feel
like this can feel like they aren’t all the horrible things I thought about
myself this week, feeling guilty over not paying enough attention, not having
patients, not having the energy to do things because I haven’t slept in a week
for more than an hour at time. And for all you neuro-typical moms…. Because I’m
sure many of you have had an ADHD week or two here and there.
1.At least you have your son/daughter. It could be worse.
So this parent probably just confided in you about having a really hard day, week or month with their child due to his or her autism and you decided to add a guilt trip to their troubles! Way to kick ‘em when they’re down. We (autism parents) love our autistic children just as much parents of neuro-typical kids. But even those of you without a special needs child need to release your frustrations, tell someone about your struggles and just unburden yourself for five minutes so you can catch a five minute break. They’ll feel guilty about complaining later, just like you would, so don’t heap on an extra serving.
2.Everything happens for a reason!
Autism is a neurological condition, that makes it extremely difficult for those who have it to function in the world today. Everyday things like the arrangement of food on a plate, the type and texture of the food, the noises of traffic and crowds of people, or simply things not happening exactly when and how they normally do can cause an Autistic child extreme distress. Not because they are naughty or spoiled, because they do not cope with change like most do. They explore and feel pain differently than neuro-typical children which, means they can frequently injure themselves. When they are anxious or distressed ASD kids can self-harm by banging their heads and/or scratching themselves. The everyday world that you and I live in is fraught with dangers and difficulties that you cannot understand until you’ve watched your child struggle simply getting from one end of the day to the next.
Whether someone’s child suffers from only one of these difficulties or all of the at once; they don’t want to hear that their child is struggling for a reason.
3.Well… He doesn’t look like he has special needs.
No, Autism on its own doesn’t shows itself physically, there are some who say autistic children tend to be smaller. My son is 5 and in age 3 clothing, but I also know a 6 year old autistic boy who is the size of an 8 year old. This just implies that it would be worse if the child “looked different” from everyone else, it’s insulting and degrading to children whose conditions or disabilities are physical.
4.Oh my sister’s hairdresser’s cousin has a friend who has an autistic child! I know how tough it is.
Unless this is followed by, “oh let me give you their number or email, it might be good to talk to someone who understands better” this is not helpful. It’s self-indulgent and attention seeking and that it.
5.It mustn’t be that severe, you can’t really tell he has it.
This is something that we hear a lot. Conor was very lucky that he got diagnosed so young and attended two years of early intervention in a special needs school. But at the time of his diagnosis he was in the midrange of spectrum, the reason why you “can’t tell” is because we have his routine down to tee. And we are lucky enough that we can bring him away for a day or even overnight if we prepare him enough beforehand. I don’t credit any of this to the “severity” of his autism, I credit it to the work of the teachers in his special needs school, Conor’s amazing coping skills and the work his other mother and I put into every single day to make sure that things run on what I call “Conor’s Time”. We approach our world through the eyes of autism.
Instead of saying “It must not be that bad” and trivialising the child’s condition try saying “Wow, you must be doing a brilliant job. He’s clearly doing very well.”
5 Things Friday is just about anything you want it to be! IT can be about your 5 best buys this week, 5 beauty products you just can’t live without or 5 things your kids said that made you wish the ground would just open up and swallow you on the spot! It’s for Mommy, Beauty, Craft, Fashion and Lifestyle Blogger and everyone in between!
Link up your old or new "5 Things" post and come back next month for the next installment!!
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I suppose this is a popular topic, to share or not to share?
That is the question!It’s a toss-up between your privacy and a certain level of
trust in your relationship. Now, I’m not saying that by not sharing your
passcode means you don’t trust your girlfriend/boyfriend/wife etc. Not at all,
we all have that private little world inside our phones, especially for
bloggers I think, and not wanting to share that isn’t exactly a cardinal sin.
It’s more like those first few weeks of a relationship where you don’t want to
let anybody else meet her (or him) because you just want to keep it for
yourself. Or that certain handbag, CD or pair of shoes you’ll never lend to a
friend because you have some unexplainable attachment to it or that pair of
pants… you know the ones haven’t fit in years but you won’t throw away. It’s
something that’s just yours.
In some relationships this can a huge bone of contention and
it causes a lot of tension and suspicion. In many cases the paranoia turns out
to be completely justified. It seems these days people will share their ATM pin
faster than their phone code. I’ve known couples to break up over such
arguments. It may a Facebook password or a phone PIN but it all boils down to
the same basic issue:
Nikki knows my phone code and most of my passwords, not
because she asked… mainly it’s because it makes my life easier. It means that
when I’m driving I can tell her to text or call someone for me, she also tends
to download games on my phone a lot -I have an 16GB iPhone and hers is 8GB so
she doesn’t like to clog up hers- and if I had to unlock it every time she
wanted to play something I may just embed it in her cranium (just kidding
baby). I never really flinched about sharing mine at all, at the beginning of
our relationship when she had a game on my phone she’d hand it to me to unlock
and I did, but now she knows my ATM codes, my phone and iPod (which is more
communal property these days! I haven’t even seen it in weeks) passcode. I’m
fairly certain she knows my Facebook and email passwords. She never once asked
for these, in fact, normally she would hand me the computer to type it in but I
just started calling it out if I was busy especially if it was iTunes password,
because she’s constantly downloading new games! And eventually she learned them
I know her Facebook password and her email I also set up her
own iTunes account and I almost certain she doesn’t even know that one! I don’t
know her phone code despite her telling me several times; in fact I don’t even
know her phone number by heart! I just don’t have a head for numbers, passwords
I can remember. I barely remember my own PIN codes!
Do you share your passcode with you partner? Please comment
and us why you do or don’t share your passcode!
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Welcome to Twitter Hop #56! Come on my lovelies, let's make this the biggest hop yet! Dawn is taking a break from blogging, so it's just me and Cathy for a while.
but if you would like to be a co-host please email me at firstname.lastname@example.org
The only "rule" here is to follow as many people on the hop as possible! I'd love it if you would grab a button and put it on your sidebar or "where hop/party" page. Alright, let's get this party started!
Add This Smart Layers is a brilliant free service. It places
Follow and share Buttons that “float” over your site so even when your visitors
scroll down they are always on screen. When you first install the add this smart layers on your Blogger
site the original share buttons are Facebook, Twitter, Email, Print.
But I think that most of us would prefer Facebook, Twitter,
Google +, Pinterest. These are the greatest tools that a blogger has for
content sharing and driving traffic. It is possible to customise these buttons
but the instructions on the Add This site confused the hell out of me. But I figured
it out and I wanted to share the way I did it with you in plain English! This
should work on most sites as you're just customising the code a little bit, but I
can only tell you that it works on Blogger as it’s the only place I’ve used it.
You can change the buttons to include several other buttons
by looking up the third party service code here and adding them into the “services”
line. For example say you want to add the option to share via buffer or save to
pocket so your readers can read later, you'd use this code: