Friday, 2 May 2014

#5ThingsFriday Link Up! 5 Things You Shouldn't say to a Lesbian Couple

Whos the man in the relationship?

I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again: There are NO men in a lesbian relationship! It’s really not a difficult concept to grasp. Lesbians date women. They sleep with women. They marry women. And they make babies with women!! Why? Because they are women who are romantically, physically, chemically and emotionally attracted to women.
No matter how they act, dress or speak they are both the women in a relationship. And I know that most of you reading this are probably sitting there thinking “Wow, this chick is patronising!” because you already know this. And if you are one those people thinking “D’uh!” you’re probably asking yourself are people really stupid enough to ask this. Yes! Yes, they are. It happens very frequently and its one of the most offensive questions you could ask; apart from the next question on this list.

So, which one of you is the real mother?

What?! You would NEVER ask an adoptive parent if they were a real parent! You would never ask a couple that used a surrogate, sperm donor or egg donor who the real parent of their child was! So this is not OK either! People make babies all sorts of ways. And gay couples, male or female, don’t make babies by accident! They spend insane amounts money, time and effort trying to become parents (as do many straight couples). The act of choosing to have a child, or joining a family that already has them makes you a real parent! The act of loving and caring for that child, makes you a real parent! Genetics hasn’t defined parentage for decades! This isn’t just a “gay issue” families come in all sorts of shapes and sizes.
Recently me and my fiancée brought our son for an eye exam and the doctor asked “Which one of you is the mother?” this didn’t bother me, I figured he just thought maybe I brought a friend along. It happens and normally when you say “We both are” they awkwardly apologise and quickly change the subject. But this guy decided to ask “Which one of is the real mother?” and again I said we both are. To which he replied “How is that now?” I saw red and I don’t know why I didn’t storm out there and then but I casually explained “We’re a couple and we have a child.” And the blatantly obvious homophobe continued with the exam. I have since filed a complaint and I will pursue it until he’s fired.

What are you gonna tell your kids about their father?

This applies 100% to gay men getting asked about their child’s biological Mom. If two women create a child together that child will have two mothers, so they don’t have a father. It’s really that simple. If the child is old enough and asks almost every lesbian Mom will explain the unique process by which that child was conceived. But the main problem with that question is that it’s just not any of your damn business!! If the child ever asks that question, it will be a family discussion between the kid and her/his mom’s(or dad’s)! It’s absolutely none of your business how they choose to deal with the situation if it arises.

Prove it?

No! I will not stand in front of you and make out with my date/girlfriend/fiancée/wife which ever she may be at the time. My relationship is not a cheap reality show for your entertainment. And while we’re on the subject, don’t approach lesbian couples in bars and tell them how much fun it is to watch. DON’T WATCH! And don’t tell them how awesome it is that they’re comfortable being out in public and how cool you are with gay people, they’re on a date just fuck off, mind your business and pay attention to your own date!!

Can I watch?

NO! NO! NO!! Just no!

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  1. Wow, people really ask those things? Rude! The first one always puzzles me... If a woman is attracted to women, why would she want the woman she's with to "be" a man?

    1. That's a tame versions of what people ask!! It's so insulting!

  2. Brilliantly written. I have gay friends and have seen them get asked things that a stranger wouldn't dare ask someone else. They feel they have the right to ask a couple because they are gay? So ignorant

    1. it really is ignorance... its because its something they aren't familiar with they think they're entitled to invade your privacy


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